Rambling

I’m not sure if I feel disappointed in myself or just depressed in general.  The last week I tried the drink in moderation approach which didn’t work very well.  And the emotions.  Wow talk about up and down.

I’m off to ride my horses today at a a barn I hate going too.  I hate that I can’t bring my dogs there.  I hate that I have to wear a stupid mask the entire time I’m there and I can’t just hang out at the barn.  That I really hate.  When I go there I just want to leave as soon as possible. That is not how I want to spend my hobby.

So, what I need to do is figure out a way to reward myself and a way to deal with stress. I had bought some ice cream (fancy ben and Jerry’s stuff  that I never buy) and it makes me happy.  As for dealing with stress, I’m open to suggestions.

The thing is I just bought this very nice and expensive horse but I don’t ride as much as I should because I’m hung over and getting over a hang over so I’m tired or cranky.  And when I’m at work it takes me all day to get going because of the drinking the night before.

Also, anyone else notice that alcohol can have a very lonely effect?  I’m not always the most of social of people as it is but I’ve become worse.  And that is not good.

So, now it is time to accept that the alcohol isn’t helping and go find some help.  And the first thing I’m going to do is go look for some AA meetings.

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