So, after spectacularly falling off the weekend for the first part of November despite the fact that for the first time in ages (let us not think about how long) there was more Xs on my calendar for not drinking then days without Xs. I am allowed to be proud of that right? \
I am back to Day 2 of my sober living (again, you don’t run out of trying though now I’m going to be more like Yoda of “Do there is no try”) but have realized the things I have been doing to relax at night (when I don’t stop at the pub) is watch T.V. and drink copious amounts of wine. My “boyfriend,” as I call my PVR and TV, is a huge contributor to my drinking. A total enabler. An enabler I am emotional attached too and certainly one that does not Driving home from the barn today all I desperately wanted to do with stop at the liqour store to buy a bottle red wine to watch Sons of Anarchy with. Which, if you have at anytime watched SOA, is totallly understandable.
So, to summarize my good boyfriend (the TV) is totally in cahoots with my bad ex-boyfriend (drinking) in the sense that they are working together and I am having a very hard time separating the 2. I realized this tonight and that is a start. I have spent most of the night listening to the bubble hour podcast and feel alot better. I can see now that I’m going to have make actual basic changes to my life, changes I’m not going to like but are necessary. And ones that I think will be good and make life better but hard to do. And the first is to watch SOA without wine and instead eat ice cream.
I know this is kind of rambling but I hope it makes sense.