97 Days to go or how to make things easier

For some reason at this point it is easier to think of the days in terms of how many are left then how many I am on.  I’m not sure if this is good or bad, I suspect bad but I’m not a 100% why.

I have discovered the witching hour is about 3:30pm, I start thinking of a drink.  And by thinking I mean imagining how good a beer will taste, that sitting down at the pub at the bar to hang out with people and talk would be lots of fun.  That I can go do that and only have 2 maybe 3 beers.  That I won’t want to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of red, a bottle of white and a 6 pack.  Just to be sure I have enough to drink, because that is a normal amount of liquor to drink.  Who goes to a store and thinks I  better buy at LEAST 3 different types of booze so I have enough to drink tonight.  With no thought to how that will make me feel tomorrow, which is not good.  The last couple times I’ve been hungover I have been sick, which is not fun.  I mean, why don’t I ever think hey this is going to make it virtually impossible for me to work tomorrow as I’ll be so tired, spend half my time in the bathroom, need to take a LOT of tylenol and pepto bismal plus some gravol.  I’ve actually started carrying those things with me to court.  How is that a good thing?? Normal drinkers don’t have tylenol, pepto bismol and gravol in their black wheelies.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve become very reclusive with the drinking.  It is easy to not interact with anyone when you are that hungover at work but by the end of the day I want to socialize so  I head to the bar to continue the cycle.  I have told people, certain people, that I was quitting drinking but as I haven’t followed that through very well I stopped talking to them.  I don’t actually talk to the person I consider to be my best friend very much anymore, yes we live in different cities and provinces but I find it harrd to talk to her.  She has a kid and husband, and I’m not sure always understands where I’m coming from.  Which is pretty selfish because she is a great person and always tries to understand.  I need to start reaching out, to people who I have slowly ended friendships with as it was more work then I wanted to do.  Whereas it has never been too much work to drink.  That is not healthy.  I wonder if anyone else had this happened?

Well, now I have to go to work.  I’m on Day 3 but I just keeping telling myself it is a day 1, because they are always the easiest to get through.


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