Trying again

Good intentions apparently paved the way to hell or at least failure.

I’m back to Day 1, last week I made it 2 days without drinking (a Tuesday and Wednesday) then promptly dove back into a couple of pints and wine bottle.  On Thursday, Friday and definitely Saturday.  I largely spent the weekend getting over the hangovers which are getting much worse.  And my ability to function with them is pretty much non-existent which results in spending a LOT of time on the couch being unable to function.  Definitely not the way to live or not a way I want to live.

I doubt that I’ve actually tried that hard and I need to figure out why that is.  When I go to work hungover (which is very much NOT productive) I don’t get much done and get sucked into a hole of playing on my computer or working on the easiest thing I can find. I shut my door and don’t really converse with anyone, (as is a sign you are working hard and shouldn’t be disturbed right?? Not that I’m too hungover to socialize) so by the time I leave work I’m feeling pretty isolated and decide that what I should do is go to the pub and visit people so I can socialize.  Is a nasty circle, who enjoys that??  Well, not me despite all evidence to the contrary.

The one thing I’ve really noticed is I have become very isolated and this seems to be a normal thing with the more you drink.  I actually am a social person with people not just alcohol.  Though alcohol seems to have become my main friend and not a very good one.  So, it is the wolf in my head or maybe just my enemey disguisted as my friend, slowly destroying my life while convincing me it is my idea.  I don’t know.

What I know is I can’t keep this up.  I’m in my parent’s city right now and go home tomorrow.  I’ve told my dad I’m not drinking as going to do 30 days dry.  Do I need to do more then yes?  Yes but for now I need to take a small step and this is it.  The prospect of never drinking again seems huge and just overwhelming so let’s start with today.  For the rest of the day I will take charge and not have alcohol.

Am I the only one who says that and suddenly has a craving for a beer??

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